When I questioned my wife

Have you ever been in a situation where your wife is keeping something away from you? She does not want to share certain things with you because she is uncomfortable doing so? And you know about it because you get these vibes from her that she is concealing something.

I was in a similar situation yesterday. My wife had her Instagram account opened on my phone. I playfully told her that since I have access to all her messages, I will go through them. She hesitantly told me to read all the messages before she deletes them. After a while when I checked the phone I thought there were deleted so I questioned her as to why did she deleted them. She told me that she did not delete and disliked the fact that I questioned her on this, because I never did earlier. I apologized, consoled her and cheered her up.

The next day I took her phone on the pretext that my phone was switched off and I needed one for entertainment. I asked her if I could read the WhatsApp message my mom sent her. I then asked her if I could go through their family group chats. I then finally asked her if I could go through the chat with this guy who was her good friend. She finally said no. I asked her why and then she broke down.

When I asked her what happened she told me that maybe there are conversations of the past which she discussed with him and not me. These are highly sensitive topics which she thought of sharing with me when the time would be right. She now felt that she has to tell me the incidents because I now know that there is something which is being hidden.

I tried to calm her down by telling her that if it happened in the past, before we got married, then she need not tell me just because I am her husband. She is not obligated to tell me. I told her that I also have certain secrets that I have not told her because it is something that happened before we even met and it is not relevant to our relationship. I told her that I trust her sense of judgement and if she has not told me, I truly believe there is a strong reason as to why. As long as it has happened in the past, and is no way related to our relationship, it is okay!

This is what I wanted to bring up in this blog. Sometimes because of lack of trust or curiosity, we begin digging up our partner’s past. We want to know who were their ex’s, how many relationships they had etc. But is it necessary to know this? Personally, I do not think so. As long as they have been loyal, loving and caring since the day they started loving you, there is absolutely no point in bringing up the past. There are some who feel guilty for not sharing their past with their partners as they feel they are hiding something important to them. Firstly, I personally believe that you are not obligated to tell them your past. Secondly, even if you want to, share it like how you’d share any other story with them and not because you feel it is an obligation.

So there you go, don’t dwell in the past but treasure your present!

Have a lovely day.


5 thoughts on “When I questioned my wife

  1. Nice read! Trust is very important. Someyimes we keep things from our spouse that happened in the past to protect their feelings and heart. My advice to you is going forward don’t snoop through her social media. If she’s never giving you reason to believe something is going on it’s best to respect her space and privacy. I’m sure you would want the same in return😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ouch! I think I’m one of those who ask the past. I guess if the past somehow affects the present and it causes conflict, the spouse needs to know. If it doesn’t, there’s no need to tell.


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